A Very Special Dirtay Thirtay Thanksgiving Reunion

If you don't know me, you don't know that for the past 12 years my parents have been divorced. Therefore, Thanksgiving throughout my twenties was always a case of where to go, what to eat and who to eat with. It was never easy, it was never quite "fun" and there was ALWAYS too much food, not enough booze and enough tension to cut the pecan pie with. Well my friends, this year my parents both decided to date -- each other. So Thanksgiving this year was not only a celebration of pilgrims, turkeys and thankfullness but also a reunion of sort dinner for the first time in 12 years with mom and dad together! My friend said "I don't think I've ever heard of that. Sounds kind of awesome." so that is why I decided to present "A Very Special Dirtay Thirtay Thanksgiving Reunion" or "Ways to make Thanksgiving with your divorced parents who are dating one another less awkward" for those of you who care...

1. Purchase Nintendo Wii:If you haven't heard, Wii is fun for the whole family and is one of the most coveted items on many people's holiday lists. More importantly, when you are all at a loss for words or don't want to say "Damn this is f'ed up, being together for the holidays as if the past 12 years never happened!" you can hit virtual tennis balls at the mii version of your family members instead!

2. Buy Rock Band 2 for abovementioned Wii: Again, nothing cuts awkward silence like a family formed Rock Band. We were aptly named "Kolods" and my dad was so annoyed with my mom and I's inability to "rock" that he walked out on the band. Who has time to think about real family tension when there is "Behind the Music" level D-R-A-M-A?!?

3. Drink(booze): This year my mom told my dad to make sure there was booze in the house. This was new for us as a "reconciled family" since 12 years ago I was too young to drink and I had to sneak Zima in my room to keep things interesting. Guess who got drunk this year? Surprisingly it was not me, it was my mom and it only took 1/3 of a glass of wine to do it.

4. Have a Baby!: No, no I did not have a baby. But my cousin did and boy we talked about little Hannah Amelie Shapiro A LOT...including me fighting my mother about the pronunciation of the baby's name. For the record, Hannah is pronounced with an "H" not a "CH" which my mom insisted on adding as if the baby was a "Challah" and not a "Hollaaaa".

5. Make a 17 lb turkey for 4 people: When you decide to cook a HUGE turkey for 4 people, one of who is vegetarian, you will undoubtedly end up talking about it a lot. In fact, the awkwardness of having such a LARGE amount of turkey meat becomes central to everything and the current family tension either transfers to tension over who is allowed to take turkey leftovers home with them (Lora was not allowed because she is vegetarian and there would not be enough for Linda...what?), tension over people interrupting one another in mid sentence in order to proclaim how tender and moist the turkey is and finally tension over the awkward statement "I haven't cooked a turkey this good since we were MARRIED." See, turkeys create new and more interesting levels of tension. LOVE IT.

So, the Dirtay Thirtay Holiday season has just begun! Stay tuned for more from the dirtay frontlines. 30 never looked so dysfunctional!