An open letter to Diddy

Dear Diddy:

You have been on my mind lately and I have so much that I want to say to you right now, so many things that just cannot be left unsaid. If there is one thing that I have learned from reality TV i.e. The Biggest Loser, it's that it's okay to express yourself and even cry. So tonight Diddy, I am expressing my feelings to you and will possiby shed some tears along the way.

You came into my world almost ten years ago, when I was in college and I sang "Mo' Money Mo' Problems" to the bums that came around to collect empty beer cans (Natty Light) off of our porch. I loved your rendition of "Every Breath You Take" aptly named "I'll be Missing You" and your "collabos with almost everyone under the sun. When you ran the NYC marathon and launched your "Diddy Runs the City" campaign, I cheered for you! I didn't even question J.Lo's choice of clothes when she was by your side even though some outfits included the half shirt, track pants and bandana combo. You made her look gooooooood! I called you Puffy, Puff Daddy and Sean Puffy Combs, you were my boo.

But Diddy, you really started to lose me in 2005 when you dropped the "P" from P.Diddy stating "the P was getting between me and my fans." Actually, the P apparently stood for "Protection" from your the nonsensical statements that have come from your mouth consistently since then. I've built up my feelings about this for too long for me to touch on all of my issues with you, so I will only discuss the most important ones here.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SHOUT WHEN YOU'RE ADDRESSING AN AUDIENCE ON CAMERA????


I think that saying the word attention five + times in this video did not motivate too many people to go out and vote I also don't think raising your voice helped either.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE ALL UP IN DANITY KANE'S GRILL??

Diddy, I know you produced Danity Kane. Wanna know how I know? I watched Making the Band 1-4. I watched Aubrie go from hot to a fine hot mess, I watched Dawn and Q fall in love and I watched you bond with them all on a yacht. I loved every moment except for your cameos on that show when you shouted at the camera (see above). Your news announcements sucked...in fact I fast forwarded those on my DVR (cruel isn't it?).

Diddy, what I'm about to say might upset you: I don't need you to "appear" in Danity Kane's video or "rap" on their songs, I like them for who they are. In fact you make them not cool. I mean Damaged is the best song ever...until you come on and say this:

"It's that type of pain that you feel deep inside. It's the type of pain that'll make you pray. This too shall pass. Sometimes you go through the pain to experience the joy. This too shall pass. Danity Kane. Stereotypes. This too shall pass."

Diddy...seriously....what does that even mean? Why did you toss the Danity Kane name in there followed by the word stereotypes? Stereotypes about girl bands? Stereotypes about pain? Stereotypes about stereotypes? I am so confused and pissed. You practically ruined the song. Thanks.

I have some other problems with some of your recent choices. One is your description of your style in Blender magazine "Swagger. Timeless. Diverse." Um, I'm pretty sure this picture is real and that shirt is actually something you designed and are sellng (I blame dumb ass Americans for that):



Don't even get me started on your pushing of the phrase "Bitch Assness". Listen, some things can be pushed together like "crazy" and "awesome" (crawesome!) but "Bitch Ass" alone is a lame descriptor and then add a "ness" and you're encouraging people to be major D-bags. Serio dude. Drop that.

Diddy, I also want you to know something. It's about this Ciroc commercial:


"Vokka" is actually not a word. It's actually pronounced "vodka". That said, the Ciroc commercial for New Year's Eve is the best thing you have ever done for me and my friends. Thank you for that.

Diddy, you know I got nothin' but love for you. Let's high five and blow it up over a bottle of Ciroc.

xxoo,

The Dirtay Thirtay