The Hazing Incident - Part Dos

Dear Fans,

It's time for the weekly installment of "The Hazing Incident". Sorry if I kept you waiting a long time...but they don't call it a cliff hanger for nothin'!

So, cuddle up to your keyboard and get your hot chocolate out, cause this is a tale that will truly warm your heart. So to begin where we left off...

We arrived in Miami and went directly to The Shore Club where we checked into our room which was...minimalist to say the least. The floor was "bedrock" and although the view was gorgeous...I quickly determined that the rooms had been created with the hopes that no one would actually want to stay inside but would go downstairs to party by the pool, drink $15 cocktails and eat $27 plates of crudite (yes we did all of the above and more...). Luckily for us, Friday was a beautiful day. Unlucky for us the a**hole pool boy didn't tell us that our seats would be in the shade for the ENTIRE day. I am pretty sure Traci almost killed me for complaining about the shade...but finally we figured it out and moved to the beach which was NOT filled with hot guys, but rather a group of loud women who were getting pedicures at their chairs...oh and one of them was doing so topless. When two "cute" dudes did show up to sit next to us, I had to listen to them talking about this woman's tits (their words) and how they wished her friend would rip her shirt off. I say, get a Playboy and call it a day.

Anyhoo -- Friday night was the "official celebration of my 30th birthday" and man oh man, Becky and Traci really mean it when they say something's official (see "Ciroc" and "Chris Duncan"). We went to dinner -- food was good, drinks were also good. After dinner we are about four drinks into the evening and decide it is time to go to Glass a "happening club" that Traci has gotten us hooked up at with bottle service. Of course our first question was "Do they have Ciroc?" which if you haven't heard is "The Official voka" of everything (and no, that's not misspelled...it's VOKA). Luckily they did, but our free bottle was actually of Grey Goose. Here's the deal: when you are four drinks in and someone says, "here's a free bottle of The Goose which usually costs $400" you say "Sweet, let's drink ALL of it...in under two hours." Or at least, that's what we said. And this is where stuff gets sort of blurry. I know there was soda brought to the table (who needs a hangover from the fruit juice??). I also know there was a couple sitting next to us who bought their own bottle and the woman had a butterfly clip in her hair. I also know the AC was unnecessarily blasting...but the pictures below will show you everything else that happened: The Hazing Incident.

Apparently I forced both Becky and Traci to chug out of the vodka bottle (NOTE: only voka when referring to Ciroc), Becky forced me to eat cake which was given to us by another birthday party (it could have been roofied!), the people next to us gave us their bottle of vodka and I hugged them as if I never made fun of the butterfly hairclip AND apparently in an unprecedented hazing tactic, I was FORCED to dance like a 45 year old woman and not the 30 year old Godd-ess I am.

Once this first portion of the evening was over we somehow ended up back at the Shore Club where I can't really reveal the activities that went on because as you know, Hazing is illegal and frowned upon by society. But it involved Goldfish Crackers and a crack...When that was over, Becky and I headed downstairs to keep on drinking. Ahhhh...so necessary.

If you want to find out what happened next, you'll have to wait until next week's installment of "The Hazing Incident". It's like Lost but less confusing and mysterious.

Remember folks....